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let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished. {mary oliver: "messenger"}

Tag: peace

Dear Tristan: on authority and power

Dear Tristan, Yesterday’s letter about requests brings up an important issue, and that is the issue of authority. I know some (many? most?) people would bristle at the thought that I, as your parent, want to make requests of you rather than demands. The parent is supposed to be in charge, they say. I’m supposed […]

Dear Tristan: on feelings and needs

Dear Tristan, One of the things adults most commonly say to children is, “It’s okay.” It’s a reflex when trying to comfort a distraught child. It’s something our parents probably said to us. It’s something I’ve caught myself saying to you. The problem is, it’s not true. When an adult says to a child, “It’s […]